It took a while for me to figure out how to relate with God, to be connected with God. ‘A while’ is an understatement. To be honest, it took me 52 years
I was born into a Christian community, or at least I thought it was Christian. Looking back I now see it was a humanistic community with a touch of Christianity. We sometimes read the bible, we spoke about Jesus, but the main message was: love one another.
During my early years I have been struggling with this obligation to love. What did it mean? How should I feel? What was real love about?
I married at the age of 20, still not knowing what love was. By the age of 26 I was blessed with 2 beautiful daughters, but the struggle with love stayed. My husband and I divorced at age 28 and I left my church.
I started searching and for the next 25 years I kept searching for 3 things:
First of all: what is true love and where can I find it? And second: What is THE truth about life and purpose. The third and most important thing: I desperately longed for a teacher. A trustworthy, all-knowing teacher. I searched in almost all directions new age and modern spirituality had to offer.
It didn’t work out very well, because I didn’t understand who God was.
A point of no return …
I have always been a reader. I read hundreds and hundreds of books on all thinkable topics. I recently realized that the only thing I was doing, during 40 years reading books, was trying to find the truth about life, about myself and about others. I learned a lot and became a skilled and successful professional. But I had only found partial truth.
Partial satisfaction. The jigsaw puzzle kept missing pieces.
God started knocking on my door …..
I started to realize that it took more faith to believe in a Big Bang and evolution, than to believe in a Creator.
I realized that I had seen miracles happening in my life and lives of others.
I realized in hindsight that I had always been taken care of and was protected in a way people cannot do.
I realized that there could only be one conclusion: God exists. Not just ‘the universe’, or ‘life source’ or ‘oneness’, but God. Creator. Almighty. Loving.
But … if God exists, what does that have to do with my life? With me, on a personal level?
Learning more about God
In 2018 I couldn’t avoid Him any longer ….
I researching to learn more about God and the purpose He had for me, for others and for the world. I saw dozens of videos on YouTube on God-related topics.
And … I started reading the Bible. This book amazed me. I realized I was reading the Truth. I didn’t understand what happened with me. This book moved me, touched my heart, challenged my mind and changed me. And I read it from cover to cover, in awe about the wisdom and truth it revealed.
I learned about God and His desire to have a relationship with me, with us. That it was His desire to live together with us in a godly and beautiful world. He promised us to protect us as a father does, to surround us, to love us and to bless us with all we need.
Next to His promises He gave us clear commands: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself.”
Walking with God
I came to the conclusion that there was no other option left then to live my life with God. When I realized that Jesus is the Truth, the Way and the Life, I decided that I would give up my standards and to follow His standards. I decided to put Him in the center of my life instead of myself, my thoughts, my ideas, my feelings and my intuition.
On March 3rd, 2019 I was baptized in the Mediterranean Sea, as a public confirmation of my choice to live a life according to His will. My life changed completely, both on a personal and professional level ….
I will tell you more about that in a next article.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart. And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil” (Proverbs 3:5-7)